This summer Bret took part in a journey that covered just under 4,000 miles in 65days. In June, he and a group of like-minded individuals biked across the United States and raised approximately $25,000 in support of Multiple Sclerosis (Bike the US for MS). For Bret this represents another opportunity to do something for others less fortunate, while getting back the gift of being able to really explore the American countryside, while utilizing the skills he’s acquiring in his geospatial studies classes at Virginia Tech. At 24, Bret expects to graduate with a degree in geospatial and environmental analysis. As his mom, I like to view this as Phase 5 of his life journey. When you are dealing with AD/HD, it’s helpful to break long-term assignments down into chunks so that they aren’t so overwhelming. Likewise, I’ve learned that managing AD/HD in your life is much easier if you can break it down into phases.
Phase 1:The Journey Begins. In the early ’90’s when ADD wasn’t on everybody’s radar, Bret experienced a lot of negative response from classmates, teachers and sadly his parents and family members. As early as preschool, his teacher recognized that he couldn’t remember a 3-step directions and was easily distracted. I noticed that his hearing seemed to be off, and the compulsive talking drove everyone crazy. Struggling to follow directions and complete work on a timely basis, his kindergarten teacher advised us to take more control over Bret. As an only child she viewed him as spoiled and urged us to “nip it in the bud” immediately or we would have a monster on our hands.
By second grade, Bret was diagnosed as ADD and administered Ritalin. The teacher was extremely structured except for exploratory time where workstations set up around the room were to be completed each week. This was a nightmare for Bret. He couldn’t plan his time; hyper-focused on some tasks and bored by others he never reached the weekly goal. Messy desks met with the humiliation of having the teacher dump his/her desk out on the floor. (Hmmm.) While Bret had some of the most caring and understanding teachers during elementary school he still encountered bullying, made few friends (read: no birthday party or play date invites), and felt the degradation of being made to stand next to the school wall during recess for unfinished class work.
In Middle school the struggle ramped up. By that time, OCD had reared its ugly head and Bret struggled to control the endless reel of negative thoughts that frankly scared the heck out of him. Anxiety stepped into the mix. There was an inverse relationship between the increase in academic demands and the decrease in empathy, guidance and support from the teachers. 7th and 8th graders are expected to be organized, motivated, attentive and time-driven. Those who aren’t by nature encounter the voices and faces of negativism. “Bret’s not making an effort; he’s not working up to his ability; he’s needs to pay attention and get his homework done on time; Bret needs to accept what he’s being taught and not question everything.” And the one comment that Bret overheard from one of his teachers that cut to the quick “oh, great, now I have to teach the class of dummies.”
Phase 2:High School.Somehow his resiliency carried him through and he embraced high school and all of the opportunities that had eluded him so far. He discovered competitive swimming and a wonderful group of both boys and girls he could “hang” with. The volunteer fire department welcomed him into their junior program which he pursued with a passion. Our church youth group helped him feel accepted, boosted his confidence and introduced him to volunteering through the annual mission trips. He frequently participated in leading worship, and on more than one occasion, delivered sermons that he had written. Boy Scouts met his need for the out-of-doors, and developed his leadership skills. He was honored with a Week on Washington trip by a local government group, and he returned to deliver a thank you speech to the sponsoring body. Academically, Bret realized success that kept him on the honor roll and eventually allowed him to attend the college of his choice – Virginia Tech, in Blacksburg, VA.
Phase 3: College - The Struggle. With a student body of over 25,000, the Tech community is larger than Bret’s hometown by more than 5,000. If ever there was a mismatch between student and college, this was it. Freshman year was somewhat structured and he succeeded. Sophomore year was decidedly a turning point for him. Construction Management, an engineering focused major, proved to be his undoing. No longer could Bret rely on the study habits he’d developed in high school (which turned out to be waiting until the last minute, relying on others for notes, praying that he’d get by, and talking his way out of situations). Adding to this was his involvement with a fraternity known for their parties. One occasion led to a court appearance and legal fees. Depression, anxiety and OCD overwhelmed him to the degree that he’d stay in bed for days, miss classes, not turn in assignments and in general failed the majority of his classes. With less than a 2.0 GPA, Bret was asked to take an “academic hiatus,” or suspension for a year.
Phase 4: Owning It. Connecting with a fraternity brother, Bret began a full time job in northern Virginia that required that he get up at 5am everyday, drive to the DC area, and put in a 10-12 hour workday doing manual labor with non-English speaking co-workers. We reached an agreement that Bret would be on his own financially, which included handling his own health and car insurance. As the months went by, Bret began to recover from his struggle with depression, and eventually was able to function well without any stimulant medications or antidepressants. He found real satisfaction in working with granite and marble restoration, and delighted in making friends with people from another culture. This led to a desire to learn Spanish. He took pride in his ability to maintain a schedule, lead a workforce, manage projects and pay his own bills.
Phase 5: College, Again - the Story Continues. After years of eschewing Community College, Bret started taking classes and received a 4.0. He was accepted back at Virginia Tech in the fall of '08 on probation, but finished the semester with grades that took him off that status. Continuing to maintain financial independence, Bret established in-state residency and applied for financial aid which allowed him to continue to support himself. He elected to pursue a major that excites him, taps into his interest in nature and how the world works. At the end of the Spring Semester, Bret had carried 18 credits and received a 3.4.
The Future.
As a parent, I wonder how the how the future phases of Bret’s life will unfold. Notice I didn’t say “as the parent of a child with AD/HD” because at some point Bret has become Bret. He’s no longer Bret with AD/HD. He is beginning to really understand who he is, and the steps he needs to take to be successful. Like all people, he will always have to consider how his strengths and weaknesses will impact his efforts. But right now he’s thinking about finishing up his senior year and his next adventure.
Update.
So, now it's the future, and guess what! Bret did graduate, May 15, 2010 with a BA in Geography. In his last semester, he studied in Quito, Educador at the University focusing on Spanish, climbing 9 volcanoes and exploring the Galapagos. As of August 1, he finished up his second cross-country bicycle trip raising funds for Bike the US for MS. Next: A Job!
